My heart hurt.
I walked down the muddy path. It was raining, but I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if my feet or my whole body is dirty. I don’t care about it, because my existence alone is a waste. My heart hurt, not only because of their insults, but also because of him.
I had put my trust on him fully. I believe in him that he will always be by my side, or that’s what he told me.
My parents threw me away from house when I was 5 years old for unknown reason. I cried all day long in front of my house, didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t get into the house nor do I wander around. When I was alone, crying, he saw me and asked what happened. His family finally took me in and I’m able to live this live as it is. I love them and they love me. That’s why I could endure any difficulties.
Francis is strange and kind of a pervert, but he’s actually nice. He helped me in learning everything, and I mean everything. He also taught me to cook; his cooking is the best
Alfred is like a big child. In the beginning, I was annoyed with his loud voice. But later, I found it quiet amusing to have a cheerful person like him. He likes heroes, games and horror movies, although he’s always scared whenever we watch it.
Matthew is a very nice and kind person. He is really different from his twin, Alfred and his polar bear, Kumajirou, is cute too. He loves maple syrup and pancakes. We sometimes eat together and that’s how I knew that he also learnt to cook from Francis.
What a family he has… if I think about it now.
And the one who brought me to this family was him, Arthur. I have been friend with him since childhood. He is the one to introduce me to his family and I thank him for that. Also… I thought I fell in love with him. Not because of what he had done, but because of the person he is to me.
Arthur, Alfred, Matthew and I go to the same school. I was so happy back then, that we could do anything together, but as time passed, the image started to fade.
Being my junior, Alfred already had his own girlfriend. She’s nice so I don’t worry. Matthew moved to Canada to study. Francis is still here, and so does Arthur.
However, high school really tested my patient and confidence. When those annoying girls from school knew my past, they started to mock me, telling me that I was just a trash because even my parents didn’t want me. The news spread around school and everyone mocked me. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt.
Alfred and Arthur knew what happened and they comforted me every day. Even Matt knew. He told me he knew from Francis. This commotion didn’t shatter my heart because of their support and help. But then…
But then… he started to avoid me. When I approached him, he went somewhere else. When I called his name, he ignored it. It was a month ago that he began to act like that. Every day I was home, Francis asked me what’s wrong. He seemed to know my heart problem, but I couldn’t let him worry. I wore the sweetest fake smile I could ever make.
At first, I was able to shove it off, thinking that maybe he was busy or just didn’t want to. But even at home, he avoided me. I didn’t remember a single night when I didn’t cry to sleep. My heart really hurt, but I hid it.
The worst was that day. It was school day and I was pacing in the hallway to my next class. In the middle of my walk, I saw Arthur was in the hall way. He was talking with those girls who mocked and hated me. I tried to conceal my existence from them but it was in vain. Those girls noticed me and started to mock and push me to the wall, I couldn’t escape.
“Heh, what do you do here, bitch?! You don’t belong here!” one hit to my shoulder.
“You’re just a waste. Don’t even come here!” another hit.
“No one loves you, heh, or even care about you! You’re no one, nothing, understand?!” a hit to my head.
“Right, Arthur?” one of them asked.
I looked at him with a face that begged him to help me. He just looked at me with pity eyes and turned around. It felt like the time had stopped and the world became black and white. My heart nearly stopped to beat and my eyes widened. Arthur, the one who brought hope and light to my life, gave his back to me when I was bullied by those girls.
I didn’t want to believe it, but that’s what I saw with my very own eyes. He walked away, leaving me. Those girls gave me one last push to the wall and left me, laughing at the process. I couldn’t stand it… I couldn’t hold it anymore. My tears broke as I slid down the wall, sitting on the cold hard floor.
After that, my life was that of a living hell. I felt disappointed, but I couldn’t deny the fact. And so I’m here. I see the bridge over a river, my favorite place to go with him, but not anymore. I walked to the bridge and stopped in the middle. I put my hand in the side of the bridge and looked at the water below.
The rain makes some ripples and makes my reflection unclear. I smiled although I can’t see my reflection. It’s better than to see this face. I gulp and take a step up the side of the bridge. That’s when I hear a voice. A voice that I long to hear but also the voice my brain starts to hate to hear. His voice, Arthur’s.
“(name) wait!” he shouted through the rain.
I ignore his call, just like he ignored me back then. I take another step and he called again, “(name)! What do you think you’re doing?!” he grabs my arm and pulls me back, but I resist.
“(name)! Please answer me… why are you doing this?”
I keep ignoring him and struggle from his grip, which is a success. I take another step and bring myself to the top of the bridge’s side.
“(name), wait! You’ll fall to the river! You can’t swim, remember?!”
Of course I know and that’s why I choose this option. This way I’ll die easily.
I look down. The water was so fierce that I’m scared, but I can’t go back anymore. I turned my face halfway. Ah… although I start to hate him, I still want to see him for the last time. “I…” I start to speak, “I won’t be in your way again.” And I let myself fall completely.
Everything seems to be in slow motion. I can see him trying to reach me with a panic and scared face, but he fails. He shouts something but I can’t hear it. I use this chance to say the last thing I want to tell him.
And then my whole body falls to the cold water of the river. The flow is fast and I can hardly survive. I can’t swim, I know it. The cold water enters my lungs and I start to cough real hard even though I’m in the water. I try to open my eyes but it is too sore for me to open. Just shortly after that, everything’s gone.