EnglandXReader Trust (Sequel)

-Sequel-

Where am I?

It’s black everywhere, I can’t see a thing. I try to walk but it’s like I have no legs to walk. I try to scream but it seems I can’t speak a thing. What is this place?

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but maybe it is a very long time. I don’t know how much time has passed before I saw that light. The light is too bright that I close my eyes. I really hope it goes away because my eyes hurt and my whole body is trembling whenever the light is near. But that light never goes away. I open my eyes and started to hear some voices. Voices that I do not know, but are pulling me to the light.

I don’t know how much time has passed. Those voices become more and more crowded. I really want to stay away from that light, from those voices. But I can’t. I am slowly pulled to the light until what comes in front of my eyes… is pure white.

```

I moan as I open my eyelids slowly. However, as soon as the light hits them, I automatically shut them again and try it the second time. As my eyes are opened, I look at the ceiling, it’s white. Then I look around. I’m in a hospital room for sure. I had been once to the hospital to visit one of my few best friends. The room is mainly white, but there were cream for sofas, brown for the table nearby a window and a light yellow curtain.

I try to move my body, but I think I’m too weak to do that. I can move my fingers and hand, but not my arms. That is when I realize one of my hands is covered in warmth and there is other hand. I look to my side and I found Francis is sleeping with his head on his arms and his arms on the side of the bed. He holds my hand tightly although he’s sleeping. As I feel the warmth, I also think, ‘I’m still alive…’

Somehow those words feel strange for me. I recall everything I’d done some time ago. I recall some of my pain back then… and I also recall how cold the water that devoured me… and him… but how...?

When I want to speak, I feel that my throat is itchy. It feels like I haven’t talked for a long time. I clear my throat and ready to speak when suddenly I heard voices from the different side of the door. I also know those voices. When the door opens, it reveals two men, speaking to each other.

“Alfred, turn down your voice volume… we’re in the hospital,” said one, he brings a bag full of stuff.

“Nah, who will scold the hero for doing that? No one will! Oh, hey, about that movie we watch earlier,” said another that holds a burger in his hand.

“Ssh, yes, I know. The movie’s good and we will tell (name) about it…”

I look at them and when one of them, the quieter one, locks eyes with me, he drops things he carries and his mouth opens in ‘O’ shape. The other one was about to ask what happens but then he also looks at me then drops his burger. The room is silent for a moment, before both of them run to my sides and hug me as tears fall down their cheeks.

“(name)!!” both shouted.

Their tears soak my cloth but who cares? I can feel their sadness and their love towards me.

“(name)! Finally! Finally you’re awake!”

“I- I always believe that this day will come… Always…”

I slowly put my hands on their head, running my fingers through their brown hair, “I’m here, Al, Matt, don’t cry…”

After some moments they finally regain their composure and wipe their tears. Matthew shakes Francis a little bit to wake him up. As Francis wakes up, he asks Matt what’s going on. Then Matt just pointed at me. That time when Francis faces me, his face brightens up and tears are forming. He hugs me tightly too and really grateful that I’m awake. This warmth… how I long to be like this… When I was in the dark, I felt cold; no one was there, just me alone. It feels real nice to be with them again. I really miss being with them again. I don’t need anything else. I don’t need a luxurious house or expensive clothes or anything… I just need warmth of a family like this.

Francis releases me and turns his head just to see things are scattered on the floor. He manly shrieks and asks who did that. That is when Matt remembers it was his fault that his things fell. Matt immediately picks them up, and is helped by Alfred. Francis also helps to clean the floor as he talks about being careless and Alfred’s whining that it’s not his fault. I giggle as I see the scene. They are so lively even though they don’t mean to behave like this. For the first time in a long time, I think I can wear my true smile again.

After cleaning and putting the things on the coffee table and carpet, they all either take a chair or stand by my sides. “How long have I been unconscious?” I ask and see Alfred counts with his fingers. “Like… almost a full year, (name),” he replies. “What? That’s long…” is what I can say.

“It is a very long time for us, (name)… really long… I miss to see your smile and eyes,” Matthew says as he hugs Kumajirou. I see that his eyes show sadness. I feel really bad for doing that and don’t even think of their feelings. “But we always wait here for you, if you wake up or something happens,” Francis says.

So… they have been waiting for me… all year long. A year can be a short time or a long time. I think a year of waiting is enough for them. I don’t want to make them wait any longer. “I’m sorry. It’s foolish of me to do something like that… I… I think I was blinded back then,” I tell them. My point of view back then was too narrow that I closed any chances to live. I’m really glad that I’m able to live, but how do I keep alive? I can’t swim, that’s why I chose to be drowning in a river with harsh flow. How did I –

Just when questions start filling my head, I hear knocks on the door and automatically turn my sight to the door. The others do too and say, “Maybe it’s the doctor.” The door’s opened and reveals a man with casual clothing and that familiar blond locks. My eyes widen when I see who it is and I can feel the others fall silent.

I really don’t believe my eyes. There by the door of my room, is the person I used to love and as time passed, everything changes. The man who brought hopes to my live and then ruined them like nothing, Arthur Kirkland… I stare at him as I still don’t believe what I see. Just then, he locks eyes with me and he opens his mouth to say something but before he can, Francis got up and says, “We’ll give you some times. Talk it over.” Francis walks passing Arthur, Matthew follows him then Alfred. I see how Arthur’s face changes when Alfred walks passing him. After the door is closed, he walks toward me.

I… I just don’t know how to react. My feelings now are mixture of anger, sadness, happiness, emptiness and much more. I just don’t want to see him face to face, so I look down or the opposite of him. I don’t know what my face looks like now, but I’m sure that it shows my feelings.

After a moment of silence, I hear Arthur speaks something, but is too inaudible for me. I ignore him until what he says is clear. “(name)… I… I apologize for what I’ve done,” is all I hear.  I still don’t want to look at him and stay silent.

“(name), I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you. I- I know how much you suffer back then…”

No you’re not

“I tried to explain thing to you but I never got the chance.”

You’re the one who avoided me

“I… I know that you cried every single day…”

When I hear that, my heart jumps. I don’t know why, but something hits and as he continues to speak, I slowly turn my head.

“There wasn’t a single day that you didn’t cry yourself to sleep. I know because I always wanted to tell you everything… and when I went to your room, I could hear your sobs. It… it mentally stabbed me. Whenever I hear you cried, I couldn’t proceed and just stood in front of your room, hearing your sorrow. I know the cause of that and I don’t want to make it even worse.”

Finally I turn my head fully to face him. He locks eyes with me and I can see how he feels right now. His eyes show sympathy… but that’s not enough. I don’t care if he feels guilty or whatever you call it, I suffered more than him.

“(name), please, allow me to explain… you don’t have to believe it, and if you don’t want to be with me again, that’s fine. But please listen to me…” he says. His tone really shows that he feels guilty.

I just nod and let him speaks.

“You know… that everyone was aware of your past, right?”

I nod. That was the worst memories ever.

“And… you know that we were always by your side, as your family, right?”

I don’t give him any respond to that. My heart hurt for everytime I recall that not all of my family did that.

“I… I’m really sorry… I didn’t want to make you suffer more. I’ve seen that you endured their insults and mocks to you everyday. I still remembered how your face showed your sadness and that you really wanted to cry at the time. And also that time…

*flashback…

“Hey, Arthur, come here for a sec.”

“Is (name) really staying in your house, with your family?”

“No way.. how can you stay with a trash like her? She’s thrown away. I can’t believe how you keep living with her.”

“You’d better be with us and just shove that girl off. The whole school knows her condition and no one wants to be with a waste like her. If you keep up with her, you’ll be shoved off too.”

… end *

“I don’t know how to act after that. If I’m with you, you’ll suffer more because they’ll try to keep my distance from you and they’ll mock you more. So I thought that, maybe I should avoid you and then explain things to you. But their insults never come to an end, even after you suddenly disappeared and didn’t go to school.”

As he explains more and more, my heart softens bit by bit. So that’s what he thought back then… when he turned his back to me. Hearing his story, I feel like crying and I don’t really realize when these tears have come to my eyes and fallen to my cheeks.

“That’s all… I want to tell you all these time, (name). I understand if you hate me because of what I did. And also… I love you…”

My heart almost stops when I hear that. That feeling which I have thrown away to the cold river… love… he says that he loves me, after all these years, after all I’ve been through, and after I’ve been in a coma for a year… he loves me.

He turns his body and is ready to leave my room. I hold him back by calling his name, “Wait, Arthur!”

He stops but his back still facing me. I dare myself to ask him this question, “Are you… are you the one who saved me back then…? That causes me to live right now?”

Silence fills the room once again. I stare at him, not wanting to lose any respond. He just nods and continues to step. Again I call his name, with more effort now that I feel that he is going to ignore my voice and keep going. “Arthur, please wait!” I try to reach his wrist and I do. He turns his head and looks at me, disbelieving my action. “Wait…”

Oh, it’s just so like back then. He tried to prevent me from jumping, but I just ignored it and even I resisted. Now he doesn’t resist my grab and stays silent instead. I don’t know what I should do next. My voice can’t come out. So I think this is the best thing I can do.

I pull him to my bed and hug him as tight as I can. His body stiffens and seems reluctant to hug me back. I don’t say anything and just hug him tighter and tighter. Then I can feel his hand wrap my body, but still not natural. “(n-name)…”

“Stay still,” I say sternly, but still gently. “Let me feel your warmth once more, Arthur… as my family… as the love of my life…”

“You… love me?” he asks.

“Yes… so now please, come back to me… let me trust you again. Don’t betray my heart anymore…”

Just then he hugs me tighter and I can feel his body shakes as I can hear heavy breathes from his mouth and warm tears that fall to my clothes. I also cry but this time is tears of happiness. I’m happy that he comes back to me… that he actually doesn’t hate me… that he actually loves me.

“I love you, Arthur… I love you…”

“I love you too… Thanks for accepting me again… I will never betray you again. You can put your trust to me like before. I will not ever leave you anymore…”

“I know… Thank you…”